Ellyn McKay launches our #GALSNGEAR Women’s Leadership Summit last year

I was lucky to learn investing fundamentals from my dad, who was a Wall Street economist. Not all girls are so lucky. But investing in myself—now that was a lesson I learned from other women. A friend recently recommended The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women’s Dead-End Work and it really resonated with me. Women’s calendars are full to the brim, but much of what is there is not for our own self-care or professional development for those working outside the home (as well as inside). Why? We don’t say “No” enough in order to say “Yes.”

When I invite women to attend one of our #GALSNGEAR leadership events, or speak on a panel at a professional conference, 75% of the women say they’d love to but don’t have the time. The ones who accept our offer always rave about the insights they learn and valuable connections they make. Colleagues share similar challenges booking women to speak or even attend high profile learning sessions and networking events.

In their book, Linda Babcock (bestselling author of the negotiation groundbreaker Women Don’t Ask), Brenda Peyser, Lise Vesterlund, and Laurie Weingart—the original “No Club”—document how women take on many tasks that sap our time and attention, but don’t propel us where we want to go. Some colleagues and I got on this topic recently. Dropping her voice, as if anyone in the restaurant would care, my friend mentioned that the women in their office are often the ones taking the time to clean up after meetings. That’s a great example of what the No Club call “non-promotable tasks” (NPT’s)—ones that are valuable to others but not to our own goals. Another classic NPT women tend to take onto their already busy plates is time-consuming committee work.

When my kids were small, I used to avoid any PTA committees that spent time reinventing the wheel (“how should we organize this year’s book sale?”) in favor of those with a clear plan of action (“we have 3 tasks to pull off the band/orchestra awards dinner this year, which one can you do?”). I’d try to volunteer for tasks with a clear start and finish line and few, if any, meetings. Like running the class Halloween Party. (Pro tip: Buy 4 strings of orange LED lights and 3 extension cords, 8 rolls of toilet paper for the “mummy roll” game, popular snacks include “bones” made out of mini marshmallows on each end of a pretzel stick and a bowl of clementines “brains” —prep time including shopping for the first Halloween: 2.5 hrs; after that: 1 hr.)

When we were raising money for a new school auditorium—don’t get me started on why a public school community would need to do this—there were, of course, plentiful committees for selling wrapping paper, pizza dough, etc. At the time, my focus was on running a successful small business along with plentiful extracurricular priorities like my kids’ sports and my music. So when there was a gap in funding of about $5,000, I landed a meeting with a local developer and convinced him to part with a minimum of $2,500 plus a matching campaign for every dollar our community spent at his local shopping mall. Luckily we were heading into the holidays, so in a few weeks I was able to bring the fundraising chair a check for $5,500. I was able to reinforce some important relationships in my community and help a cause I cared about. No committee meetings required.

My point isn’t to never to take on volunteer work or additional office responsibilities. It can be a great way to meet new people and develop long-term relationships. My point is that women often burn out because we invest in others first, taking on excessive numbers of NPT’s. We forget to invest in ourselves. Or, as one of my friends puts it, “put on your own mask first before assisting others.”

So for Women’s Empowerment Month, my hope is that you encourage the women you know to offload some NPT’s in favor of more valuable time investments. This month, my #GALSNGEAR colleagues and I are producing an exciting panel discussion and networking event during SXSW and a leadership development program focused on networking and negotiation skills, along with several other networking opportunities during NAB Show. We are also onboarding a cohort of young women college students to mentor in their journeys to careers in media. Because mentoring them is just as rewarding and important to our careers as it is to theirs.

My hope is that women will join us this month in investing time in our own priorities, career goals and futures.

 

 

Photos by Nelson Ramirez, Ervinas Media.

Here’s a surprise: my biggest challenge last year wasn’t Covid. Not by a mile. Exactly one year ago, I broke my right wrist. So badly that I needed surgery. One 3” titanium plate and 10 screws later, loaded up on painkillers and still unable to feel my entire right arm due to a surgical nerve block, on Day 2 I assessed my situation. And it freaked me out.

Writing was my first challenge. As a multimedia producer, I do a lot of writing. The week after my surgery, a major deadline loomed for an 1,800-word blog post for one of my clients and a video script for another. Thankfully I had already done the background research. But boy, left-hand typing and non-dominant hand mouse-ing was quite laborious. (Speech-to-text was not the easy functionality I had hoped, which I’m sure my friends with different abilities already know.)

But here was the biggest challenge of all: playing the violin.

playing on a street corner at age 13 with my duet partner Jeff

You see, I’ve been a musician since I was six, and a violinist since age 9, having apparently begged my parents relentlessly to play that instrument.  Growing up, I spent hours taking violin lessons, playing in youth orchestras and competing in solo competitions acro

The only photo I have of Giuseppe DiLuisi circa 1906

ss my region. On weekends, various musician friends and I would play on street corners in Georgetown, a tony neighborhood in Washington, D.C., to earn money towards our college funds.  Years later, when playing in my college symphony orchestra, I learned from a relative that my great great grandfather Giuseppe DiLuisi had played the violin for a living, in summer riverboat orchestras on the Mississippi and

winter music halls in New York. At the age of 9, he had arrived in this country from Italy with only the clothes on his back and his little violin. So my passion stems from long family roots.

Flash forward, and I’ve been playing at a professional and semi-professional level for, well, a bunch of decades now. In the Washington DC area where I live, I’m lucky to be surrounded by great musicians, and often play in churches, in various chamber groups, and with my amazingly talented colleagues of the NIH Philharmonia.

Back in March of 2021, the thought of never playing again was devastating.

Music has been essential to my life—not only personally, but also professionally. As a content creator, I spend a lot of time curating just the right music, reviewing sound mixes, working with talented sound designers. Because sound is more than half the picture.

So when I broke my wrist, I did what I always do when producing a complex multi-media project: I threw myself into the details.  I read everything I could about rehab for string player injuries. I showed up religiously for painful physical therapy sessions twice a week.  I took my PT “homework” very seriously. And my talented surgeon Dr. Peter Fitzgibbons—who had been briefed in advance on my absolute need for full flexibility again—brought great confidence to each of my check-in’s. At one point, I brought in my violin and the Bach Brandenberg Concert #3, which the NIH Phil planned to play in December, and demonstrated a passage to show how far short I was falling to manipulate the bow into Bach’s many nuanced sequences. I was determined to not just play the part, but play the principal 1st violin solo part for this concert. And that was my goal every single day.

Focusing on one overarching goal has a way of putting everything else in perspective. Whether you are managing young children through Zoom schooling, grappling with your evolving career, or facing the trial of you or a family member struck by Covid.  Take the climb in small steps. Break the challenge into manageable pieces. You will get there.

Today, I plunge into the work of 2022 with gratitude. I can write and produce videos. I can play the violin again. The healing took so many steps. But I’m finally there. And you will be, too.